Hi!
I/we haven't been to Planet Fitness in 2 weeks! 2 weeks! Reason - Getting ready for vacation and going on vacation. And guess what? I can tell! Oye! I feel like a slug, I don't feel like doing anything. The swelling has come back in my legs and feet... I also missed the feeling I feel when I leave Planet Fitness.
I don't like being this way. Being fat is hard. It is. It is harder to do things, energy levels are low. You just don't feel like you belong. Not only dealing with me as in me, the whole me, I'm dealing with me on the inside. The angry, I get so mad at myself self. The self that does not feel worthy of being. I don't belong. I get mad because I have been every size under the sun, how did I let myself go like this? Why did I do it? How can I change it?
First, I have to change my inside. My thinking, the way I feel about myself. I am me, I am beautiful no matter what size. I belong. I am someone. I am not all of those names that I was called growing up. I've been working on it. Second, I can help my outside and by doing that helps my inside.
I have no idea what size I am going to be in a year. I have no idea what number is going to appear on the scale. I have no idea of the number of pounds I want to lose. I'll know when I get there.
Danny and I do the live videos after our Planet Fitness trips. Pretty much Danny just goes along with me. Doesn't say much, but does it because it makes his mom happy. I've heard from so many that they love the videos! They love reading the blog too!
The best part since I've begun this journey, I am being told that I am an inspiration to them! ME! An inspiration! That because of this journey, they've begun their own journey. I'm inspiring to them and they are so encouraging me. That's freakin' awesome!
It's a boring post tonight. I dreaded PF today, I contemplated taking another week off, just go back next week I kept telling myself. I've discovered that it is so much easier to fall into old habits... well those habits are being broken.
My shoulders ache, my knees hurt, my arms and legs feel like jelly... was it worth it?
Yes, yes it was.
I can't wait until Thursday!
Sharon - Your second paragraph is where I am now in my life. How did I get back to the size I am and How do I stop the roller coaster? Your evening videos ARE an INPERATION. Please don't stop them and having Danny in them shows that you have wonderful support during this journey. The hardest part is starting and you have done that. KEEP GOING FORWARD!!! Hugs.
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