Monday, June 26, 2017

One week and 5 days at Planet Fitness!

It's been one week since Danny and I have begun our Planet Fitness journey and today was our 5th visit! 
And today was the 2nd day in a row we went! 
I'm not going to lie, today was hard. Motivation was about nil. Same with Danny. Hard day at work for me, it sucked. Then a 30 minute drive home, only to turn around and leave again 30 minutes later with Danny to go back to where I just came from.
We worked out, I only did an hour and scheduled the Hydro Chair. Danny continued to work out on the Elliptical while I was enjoying my chair. Unfortunately since Danny goes as my guest, he isn't permitted to use the added extras.
Seriously this is what I had to tell myself today. Yay we went, but when we left, we didn't feel the all over good like previous times. Don't get me wrong, I felt better, but it just seemed like something was missing.
So tonight at dinner, I mentioned that if my day isn't too crappy tomorrow, I'm going to go to PF for an hour or so by myself. BY MYSELF! Pulling up my big girl panties and doing it on my own. That's a little scary. But I know I can do it and I'm going to prove to myself that I will do it.
I found out that the Ellipticals are different! The one with the wheel in the back is easier to use. Well, it's hard for me, BUT! I was able to do it for 2-1/2 minutes. I know all of these little times aren't that big of a deal for most, but they are to me and that's all that matters.

I just know that I don't want to be this way forever. I want to be a smaller me. I don't know how much smaller, but smaller. I want to feel good, I want aches and pains to go away. I want to be off of my meds. I hate myself like this. From that very first time Sharon Peters called me fat in first grade, to all of the family and friends of family that would say, "Oh you have such a pretty face." Really? I have a pretty face, but since the rest of me is huge, I don't count. Well the outside is just a shell and it really doesn't matter what the outside looks like, it's the inside that counts. But it all just hurts the same.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

An Awesome Sunday - PF Day 4

I can't believe it's Sunday evening! Where did the weekend go?
We spent the entire day yesterday at a graduation party. It was fun, it was nice seeing family. I'm not going to lie, I had a piece of cake and a couple of cookies. The only snicky-snack food out was Popcorn. My cousin rented a Popcorn Machine and it was awesome. And.... I didn't even drink a beer, not a single one. Homemade Peach Ice Tea was the drink for me.

This morning I woke up feeling kind of blah.... Danny woke up feeling kind of blah. Husband woke up a happy camper... In fact, that's where he went for the day, to camp. Just to get some things done. Danny and I remained lazy until 11:30. I got up out of the chair and put my work out clothes on. Danny did the same. We were on our way to Planet Fitness. We arrived a little before 12:30. I scheduled the Hydro chair for 1:45. Just to make myself work out for 1 hour and 15 minutes, then reward myself. I started off on a tread mill, Danny next to me on the Elliptical. Instead of trying to go for a distance, I went for minutes. I walked on the tread mill for 5 minutes and 30 seconds. Just a little warm up, my heart rate was up and I was sweating. It was 5 minutes more than yesterday and I was moving. I added a couple of new machines into my routine today. I also added longer reps and extra weight. Danny did too. He also added weight lifting into his program. I'm proud of him and I'm beginning to feel proud of me. Tomorrow will be one week since we've started going and today was our 4th visit. We are going back tomorrow and Wednesday. Then we're going to have a week long break, which worries me a bit. We'll be heading to the mountains. I'm just going to have to make myself move up there.

After each visit, Danny and I do a Live video on FB in the car. It's usually only a minute or two long. Our friends and family leave encouraging comments. My bff since childhood began her PF journey 2 years ago. I've literally watched her melt away. She inspires me. Well today Lisa left me a comment that after talking to me yesterday, watching our live videos and reading my blog posts, I had inspired her to go back after a month. That's awesome! I inspired my bff!

Yesterday as I was putting my shoes and socks on, I made a comment to Danny. Well I asked him a question, "Do you know what's harder than exercise?" He said no and I told him being fat. Being fat is harder than exercise. Being fat is with me 24 hours a day. Little things that are so easy for others are harder for me because I'm bigger. I'm going to work my way into making those little things easier, then start to work on the big things. One day at a time and when that gets to be too much to handle, I'm going down to 30 seconds at a time. Each little bit of movement, each little bit of sweat is a little bit more than the day before.

Danny and I ended our day by planting a couple of veggie plants and some flowers. He helped me tremendously today. He's not a little boy anymore and it's bittersweet. But I truly love the man he is becoming.

I realize that in the end I am doing this for me and cannot do it for anyone else. I am starting to love myself. Something I haven't done in such a long time.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Friday Afternoon Rain - PF Day 3

So it's Friday and it rained all day.
I woke up with a headache... while brushing my teeth I said to myself, "I don't want to go to Planet Fitness today."
I had a doctor's appointment at 1:15 for my shoulder, I had surgery in January. I had to leave the house today...
Danny and I left at 12:30 dressed in our Planet Fitness clothes.
Doctor's appointment went well. I'm officially released!!! Dr. E gave me a few tips on what to do and what not to do right now. He told me to make sure I tell the trainer when I meet with him/her on Wednesday about my surgery and they will take that into account when coming up with my fitness plan.
When pulling into the Planet Fitness parking lot, I mentioned to Danny that I really hope we do not see my bosses car. Danny told me that if we do, we can turn around and go home. I sighed and said, "No we can't." We got out of the car, pouring down rain and entered PF. As soon as we were inside, we were greeted by smiles and happy hello's. Today I decided I was going to try out the Hydro Massage Chair/Bed. I scheduled my chair time for an hour and 15 minutes after we got there.
Today we hit the bikes first... I adjusted the seat and started to pedal away. It didn't last long, only a 1/2 mile, but it was a 1/2 mile more than the day before. I will work more at the tread mill and bike. I will also try the Elliptical, but for right now I am completely happy working out on the machines, my upper and lower body. Anything is better than nothing. I enjoy it. I sweat. And guess what? I don't mind sweating in there! It's like its cool to sweat in Planet Fitness. Not cool to sweat at home.
The time went fast today. Danny brought up the fact that each time we've been there time has gone fast. At 3:15 I went over to the desk for my Hydro Chair Appointment.
OH EM GEE!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I died and went to heaven. It's a little warm where the chairs are. It's dim and it sounds like Ocean Waves. As soon as I was nice and comfy in the chair, I pressed the start button. 10 minutes of heaven! I didn't want it to end. And after those 10 minutes ended, way too soon, I made up my mind that my reward at Planet Fitness is the Hydro Chair after I work out. I will schedule my appointment anywhere between an hour and 15 minutes to 1-1/2 hours after being there. 
This isn't new news, but I really enjoy hanging out with my kid. He gets me. I get him. He talks to me, I talk to him. He opened up to me today. Told me how he wants to change, he doesn't want to be this way anymore. We talked about goals, small goals and long term goals. My long term goal, one year from now is to have 2 Kayaks. Danny loves to Kayak and I've always wanted to, but never have because of my size. My short term goals, to be able to cross my legs AND bend over to tie my shoes. Danny's short term goal is to see his belt buckle and find jeans that fit him a lot better. In the car afterwards, I told him that I really didn't want to go today, Danny said he had felt the same, but is so happy we did. We talked about how fast the time goes and how much better we both feel when we are done. We fist bumped and said we got this! 
It's going to be a long journey... there are going to be many bumps a long the way, but that's okay. We'll get there. I know it's only been our 3rd visit, but something tells me this time is different. We're doing it and we're doing it together. Just me and my boy... One Planet Fitness visit at a time.

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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Sweating with my Kid at Planet Fitness - Day 2

I did it! We did it! Planet Fitness Day 2! Today we worked out for an hour and 15 minutes! That's 15 minutes more than Monday! 
I have to say that I am very proud of my boy, he worked out on some of the machines, then he rode the bike for 5 miles!!!, then went back to the machines! I'm so happy Danny is into it. It makes me feel good and I love having him there with me.
I just kind of wandered around trying this and that. And during the process, I worked up a sweat. I worked on a few machines, then I tried the recumbent bike... ummmm... well that didn't work so. I couldn't get comfortable and my lower left leg hurt when I tried to pedal. So, that's on the back burner for a while. I will conquer the bike! I WILL! I also ventured onto a tread mill. And well... I had visions in my head of how that was going to be, me failing miserably, falling face first and getting flung off the back. Well that's not exactly what happened, I didn't fly off the back. I'm not afraid to admit this (now), I was only able to walk a 1/2 mile on it. Disappointment was there, I held back my tears. I didn't tell my mom it was only a 1/2 mile and I didn't tell Danny... At that moment, I realized that if the Zombie Apocalypse happened I would be dead, instantly. I would tell my group just to go on and I would lie down in the middle of the road and well... you know the rest.
I went back over to the other side and worked on the machines more. My most favorite one at this moment is the leg press. I could do that for hours.
I managed to take a pic of me and Danny sweating together:
Little by little, we're going to move mountains together.
On the way to the car I did tell Danny my treadmill failure victory. He looked at me and said, "Mom, it's a 1/2 mile more than you did yesterday." Mom pauses for a brief moment, wonders how her 16 son has become so wise, realizes again what an amazing young man she has and says, "Thank you." with a smile.
We got in the car happy. In good moods! Happy with an hour and 15 minutes. We did it! And we're going to keep doing it. It's really hard to explain, but this exercise thing makes you feel kind of good. It kind of lifts your spirits. It kind of makes you want to go back and do it again.
We're looking forward to Friday afternoon! In fact, we can't wait!

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And as the clock is about to hit 9:00, Day 2 of Planet Fitness is in the books!

Monday, June 19, 2017

Planet Fitness - Day 1

Hi! It's been away since I've blogged on here... like 2 years ago and boy have I let myself go since then! 
I'm fat, unhappy, unhealthy and there is someone screaming inside of me that wants out.
I joined Planet Fitness! I've never stepped foot in a gym before!
I was scared, I was nervous. My son went with me as my Guest. 
We had fun! We can't wait to go again.
We tried out several machines. It was very crowded when we arrived. We wanted to work out together and it was hard finding 2 of the same machines side by side open. We did leg presses, worked our upper bodies and ending our one hour first visit with riding the bikes.
Was it easy? No. Was it hard? A little. Was it worth it? YES!
It didn't take me overnight to get this way and I'm not going to be able to fix myself overnight. Baby steps. Even if it is one step today, well that's one step more than I took yesterday.
I can't believe I'm posting this picture of myself. The first one I took didn't turn out, it was blurry so I had my son take this one after we got home. This is me. Non filtered, not hiding behind someone or doing the neck stretches to hide the double chin. The real me. Every month around this time I will post a new photo.

On my way across the parking lot, those feelings came back. The feelings of being picked last in gym class. Hearing the the harsh words of being called fat, beached whale, cow or being mooed at. The very first person that ever called me fat was Sharon Peters. I was in 1st grade, she was in 4th or 5th. My brother didn't ride the school bus with me anymore and she was ruthless. Every day from the time she got on the bus until the time she got off the bus... It just didn't happen with her. There were others too. My neighbor walked by on the road a few years ago while I was working in my flower bed and mooed. My boss made comments. I know those are only words and they do not make up who I am, but once you hear them over and over again you really start to believe them.
I opened the door to Planet Fitness and walked inside. The girl remembered me from last week, I was greeted with a huge smile and a big hello. I started to feel a little better. Danny and I made our  way around the place figuring out where to start. There were people there of all shapes and sizes. No one was LOOKING or STARING at me. No one was smirking. People smiled, some said hello. But not one negative word.

I've talked about joining and one single sentence from my husband last week made up my mind.
"I want to be able to take walks with you before I get too old."

This is me all sweaty and an hour later. I had fun and I can't wait to go back!
I'm looking forward to it!
I can't believe I actually wrote that!