Well what can I say about today? It was an extremely difficult day at work. A mistake I made, which, usually wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it was with a company that we are having problems with and everything is snowballing with them. My boss heard me when I told the office manager that the mistake was my fault and I know I'm going to get my ass reamed for it. Rightfully so. The reaming wasn't too bad, but the ignorance that followed the rest of the day was uncalled for. I am a sensitive soul. I should have grew a pair today, but I didn't it. Instead, I went through my entire stash of emergency chocolate. Yep, I did! I have had a stash of seven (7) Hershey Dark Chocolate Squares. I love dark chocolate, oh hell who am I kidding? I LOVE CHOCOLATE...ALL CHOCOLATE. Anyway, 3 of these squares is a serving size, so in reality I hate 2 + servings, which sounds a lot better than 7 squares. I felt like a bloated, stuck pig afterwards and was so mad at myself. Did it really give me comfort and help me get through the day? Not really. Was it worth it? Not really. The only good thing that came out of me eating my emergency chocolate stash is that it is gone and should a crappy day at work come again, I'll have to grow a pair since I have no chocolate to eat.
Today was just hard. I woke up achy. My knees hurt really bad. Well everything hurt really bad. Parts of my body that I didn't even know existed hurt. Danny and I stood outside in the cold yesterday for almost an hour, (it was worth it.) I pedaled for exercise last night, I didn't move as much at work today, tied to my desk and the change of weather, sunny and 44 degrees at 2:30, then the temps dropped, are still dropping and it's snowing like a beotch. Barometric pressure change. Oh and the fact that I am extremely overweight and so out of shape. I would say that my aches and pains today are from that even though I would like to blame it on my other excuses...
No energy, feeling sorry for myself, crappy day... as much as I hurt when I got home, I did not want and I repeat did not want to exercise. That's it, I'm done I thought to myself. I made it 2-1/2 weeks into my journey, I'm calling it quits. Well something made me get my huge ass out of the chair and I popped in Richard Simmons. It was like magic, even though I hurt, I smiled. I exercised. Richard encouraged me. At the end of the video, Richard Simmons told me he was proud. I thanked him out loud. Yes I know he is not really in my living room.Yes, I know he really isn't talking to me. But for the length of the video, I believe he is here with me and I believe that yes, he wants to help me, he wants to help me with my journey and he believes in me.
One of the signs that I am trying to recognize is the feeling of be satisfied versus the feeling of being full...over stuffed. I've been doing really well. Until dinner tonight. We had burgers, yes, burgers are at least a once a week meal. We had burgers, fries (which I counted) and I had a big salad with lots of black olives. Yes, I LOVE BLACK OLIVES! I will eat black olives until I get the OMG I feel like I'm going to puke feeling. Anyway, I ate one burger on a bun, fries and salad. I felt satisfied, but wanted (did not need) the other burger... I ate it, without a bun. Then I felt overstuffed. I should have just got up from the table. I should have saved the other burger for my lunch tomorrow.
One of these days, everything is going to mesh together. Everything that I am doing and trying to do is going to work. I will see results. I will feel healthy, I will feel good and I will have a better feeling about myself. Also, I will have a smaller sized, really cute new outfit for my niece's wedding in October.
I'm going to pop some ibuprofen, soak in a really hot shower and settle in for the night with my Donnie, I mean Danny. It's our Wahlburgers night. Danny loves calling me Alma and I call him Donnie. Silly little sentiments between a mom and son. My son is my world.
This is my blog, my thoughts, my feelings, my words.
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