The 9th Day

hmmm..... Day 9. Not too much to say today. Originally today was going to be one of those crazy days, but due to the weather, the 6:30 meeting at school was canceled. I was doing a happy dance when I received that text. I didn't want to go back out after I got home from work.

The past few days I have been dragging, so incredibly tired. So hungry and so wanting chocolate. Which when I experience all 3 of those symptoms at the same time, it would mean my period was due.... I'm sure hoping not because I haven't had one for almost a year. It will be one full year in February. Going through the "change" isn't exactly great, it means I'm getting older, my body is changing, it is harder to lose weight, not to mention the hot flashes. I hate those hot flashes. I go to bed cold, wake up in the middle of the night, toss the covers off because I feel like I'm in the middle of the Sahara Desert, only to wake up again because I'm back to freezing. I am very happy that my husband no longer covers me up when he sees I do not have any on. He realizes the covers are off for a reason.

I was in no hurry to prepare dinner, which was left overs from yesterday... no big deal. I knew I wanted to exercise before dinner, but couldn't make up my mind on what to do. I noticed a VHS tape sticking out of the VCR. I couldn't tell you the last time the VCR was used, probably years. I didn't even know if it still worked. I had no clue which tape was in there, but figured it was some sort of exercise video, I have a crap load of VHS exercise videos. I pushed in the tape, the VCR still worked and I waited... it was Richard Simmons! Richard Simmons Blast Off (click on Blast Off and it will take you to the youtube version.) It is 20 minutes long. A perfect quick work out. It got my heart going and I even broke out in a small sweat. There is just something about Richard Simmons... while doing the tape, (I have no coordination, no rhythm, no nothing) I felt as though Richard was talking to me, encouraging me the whole way. Danny wanted nothing to do with exercise tonight and that wasn't happening. There was no way he was going to sit on his butt playing on his iPod while I was exercising in front of him. So if he wanted to play on his iPod, he had to pedal. Just like yesterday. He pedaled for 20 minutes, the length of the video. After the video, I went into my Pinterest Work Out board and pulled up a 10 minute Yoga video. I was relaxed.

I'm not sure if it was Richard Simmons and me Blasting Off, moving more tonight or the 10 minutes of Yoga, but I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I'm happy. I feel happy. I am in a good mood. I'm not cranky, I feel refreshed.

Tomorrow morning Dan has an early PT appointment and is taking Danny to school. I'll be exercising earlier, by 7:30 a.m. I'm already trying to decide what I want to do tomorrow morning. I don't know if I want to Zumba, Dance or Sweat to the Oldies... decisions, decisions.

And how about this, instead of every one trying to tear each other down, why don't we try to help build each other up? The world would be a much better place.

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

Day 8

Day 8 and I'm still sticking with it. Long day at work, then a trip to WalMart. Had to park at the top of the parking lot, walk down, walked the whole through the store, then back up the parking. That counts as exercise, right? I didn't count it. As my soup was cooking, I pedaled for 25 minutes watching The Pioneer Woman. Watching a food/cooking show while exercising... ahahahaha

Dinner tonight was homemade Chicken Rice Soup, brown rice, celery, carrots and I added spinach to it. Danny doesn't eat fruit or vegetables! Well unless applesauce, french fries and corn count... nope, don't think so. He loves my wedding soup. It has celery, carrots and spinach, so why not? He loved the Chicken Rice Soup and got in a serving of veggies with no complaining. We also had a whole grain Italian Flat Bread wrap. Buffalo Chicken Breast and a slice of Provolone cheese. I added tomatoes and pickles to mine, Delish!

After dinner, Danny wanted to sit on his butt and watch his iPod. That was fine by me, BUT! he had to pedal while he was doing it. For 25 minutes. He did it, again no complaints.

Wednesday's are our veg in front of the tv night, so while I'm watching, I'm going to pedal again. I may as well multi task while watching tv.

Tomorrow is a screwed up afternoon/evening. I'll fit in exercise time somehow.

Day 8 of my journey... a long journey.

Have a great night! Remember, we can all do this! Be positive!

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

Still here at Day 7

Hello..... Are you all still with me? Sorry that my blog posts have been extremely dull and boring. I just seem to be in a little funk.

How was every one's day today? Mine was long and boring. We had absolutely no orders at work. None. That meant for a very long day me trying to find fill in tasks to help the time go by. And of course those fill in tasks do not require much thinking... so that allowed me to go off and think about a lot of deep rooted issues. 

I know there is no quick fix for being fat. There is no magic wand nor potion that can be waved or swallowed that can make this go away. I am not happy with myself. I don't like being this way. Why am I like this? I thought back on my life today, starting at a very early age. I can remember family members saying how much I looked like my Grandma. My grandma wasn't small, but she wasn't huge like me. Is that why I am this way? I think when you are told something over and over again, you become it.  You believe it and you can't change. I remember being tormented on the school bus at age 6. (It started at 6 because my big brother was no longer on the elementary bus.) I was fine when I would get picked up at the bottom of the drive way. But as soon as the bus made that right hand turn onto Dultilh Road, my heart would begin to race. For 2 years I had to endure Sharon Peters and her bullying. I was continually called "Sea Cow, Sea Whale, Sea Horse." On days that I wore dresses she would say to me, "Your legs are so fat, I can't believe you wear dresses." And the other days, I was just called fat, fatty or fatso. The comments just didn't come from her, they came from others too. Then there was the one day in 5th grade. I'll never forget where I was in the classroom, our teacher was talking to us about our favorite subjects and when it was our turn, we could say what our favorite subject was and why. Well my bff was before me, she told her favorite subject and it was my turn. I didn't get to speak, Mr. Federkeil (our teacher) spoke up and said, "Sharon's favorite subject is lunch. We all know that's her favorite subject." The whole entire class busted out laughing except for my bff. Years and years this would happen. When I moved in with Dan, I made flower beds on each side of the driveway, I took pride in those flowers and faithfully every night weeded and watered. Until the neighbor's asshole grown son was taking a walk and moo'd like a cow each time he walked by. I even got it from my boss a couple of years ago when the summer Olympics were going on. He suggested that because of my size I should take up weight lifting because one of the female heavy lifters and I were quite similar. "You and her are the same size. You would be perfect for it." He even went as far as walking by my desk carrying a no parking sign telling me that I could use it to practice with. So many times I would be told that I had such a pretty face, but it always sounded so pitiful. I knew the next sentence they weren't saying, "You have such a pretty face, but look at the rest of you."

Does all of this play a part in how I am? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Years of hearing it, I guess you just start living it. Should I go to therapy? I dunno. I've always thought that if I could meet Richard Simmons I wouldn't be like this anymore.

Did I want to exercise today? No, not really. Did I? Yes I did. Today was one of my messed up days. Had to stop at the grocery store after work. Those Little Debbie snack cakes near the register looked really good and I could feel myself being drawn to them, no, I did not. I didn't buy them. Home for a little bit, I did a 27 minute workout. I enjoyed it, but I didn't break a sweat. It was a new one, so now I know I can do that one in addition to something else. Then I left to pick Danny up at school, home by 5:15, dinner started. While dinner was cooking I did a 4 minute Zumba dance, then back into the kitchen. We ate, I cleaned up and vegged. Tomorrow will be a normal day. Well, I know I'm going to have to stop at WalMart, which I dread. Danny needs something. I already know what we are having for dinner, so I'm one step ahead. Tomorrow I will put a little more effort into my moving. I want to make my sweat cry.

For dinner tonight, we had sausage hero sandwiches. The recipe called for turkey sausage, Uncle Charley's regular sweet Italian was on sale. It had 32% less fat than regular sausage. I compared the fat content on both, and they were the same, 10 grams. I bought the Uncle Charley's. The recipe came from my WW Cook It Quick Cookbook. I have the pics posted below.

I apologize for how long this post is. I didn't mean to go on and on. Just a lot running through my mind. Trying to figure out how I am going to get this to click in my head. How I am going to make myself a smaller, healthier me.

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

Week 2!!!

So I took the weekend off. No blogging, no exercise. Hmmmm.... Although the thought of no exercise on the weekend was nice at first, I really noticed it yesterday. My mood changed, I was sluggish. I despise exercise. I hate to sweat. But I keep reminding myself that sweat is my fat crying and that's a good thing! After noticing the difference, exercise will be a part of my weekend routine now.

I didn't eat bad over the weekend. I did enjoy a few adult beverages. Yes, those are added into accountability.

This week is going to be a messed up. School activities, a meeting one evening. It will be hard to fit what I would like into my schedule and plan accordingly. 

The exercise after work was shoveling the driveway. Snow is pretty, but it's not so pretty when you're shoveling it. Danny and I shoveled for 40 minutes and only got 1/2 of the driveway done. I'm o.k. with that.

Yesterday I dug out one of my Weight Watcher Cookbooks, the Cook It Quick one. Most meals are in 30 minutes or less. Each recipe I came across that I knew Danny would like too, I added a sticky tab. One evening this week, I will write out my grocery list and go shopping at the end of the week.

For dinner tonight we had oven fried pork chops, green beans and a Lipton Pasta side dish. Our portions were controlled and a few little changes in preparation that Danny didn't notice and honestly there was no difference in taste. I didn't dip the chops in egg before the light flour mixture, I just moistened them with water. When I made the pasta side dish, I didn't add the butter/margarine. Small things... not big things...

And that's about it... sorry for not having an exciting blog entry tonight. I'm tired and dragging.

Have a great night!

Thank you so much stopping by. Become a follower if you like.

Keeping my east coast friends in my prayers as they are experiencing the storm of the century, Juno.

This is my blog, my thoughts, my words, my feelings.

Day 5!!!!!

Wholly Sh*t!!! Did I just type Day 5??? I started this journey on Monday. Did I think I would still be on it by Friday? Honestly, not really. Am I happy? You betcha!!!

Friday's are my day off. Danny was in school and Dan left for PT around 8:15. I had a couple of hours to myself. Oh what to do, what to do? I opened my Pinterest Boards and picked my poison. I exercised for a full hour! 60 minutes!!! I did 3 different activities. (Just click on the hi-lighted word and that will take you the activity.

First off I did 20 minutes of Upper Body Strengthening with my stretchy bands. 

Then I did 30 minutes of Beginning Dance. It says 30 minutes, but it is more like 35. About 22 minutes in I thought I was going to die! I slowed down a little, then uh oh! My coffee kicked in, I had to take a pee break! Yes, a pee break! Who has to go pee during exercise? Me! That's who. That only took about 90 seconds, came back and clicked right where I left off. I was dragging by the end, but the last song took me by total surprise. One of my disco favs!!! Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive." I was into it! Singing along, a little inspiration boost.

After my dance I was sweating putty balls, but really felt like doing more. So I went into my workout board and picked a Beginner's Yoga video. It was 10 minutes long. Do not be alarmed, it says that it is Yoga for cancer patients, no I do not have cancer. I was just searching for beginner yoga. I found that I really enjoyed my 10 minutes of Yoga.

Nothing much happened throughout the rest of the day. Food was boring... cereal for breakfast, chicken breast sandwich for lunch and a ham/egg and cheese sandwich for dinner. I know, 2 sandwiches in one day, not good. I didn't eat much, but I'm not the least bit hungry. Got to get a little more water in.

Danny is gathering the Wii remotes and putting the one back together. Our exercise tonight is playing Wii sports. I thought we would do something fun. I'm going to kick some 13 year old butt tonight!

Tomorrow my mom is bringing her pup down. We're doggie sitting. I had planned on exercising 5 days a week with the weekends off, right now I'm already thinking about what I can do tomorrow.

The best part about today is that I made it to Day 5!!! I did 5 days. Although I am still achy and I have a long way to go, I feel great! I'm proud of myself! Little steps turn into big steps!!!

I may take a blogging break until Monday. We'll see. Have a great weekend! Thank you so much for stopping by! I love, love, love your comments on here and fb. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. We can all do this! All we have to do is try! I'll be here for you!

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

Day 4 - Sigh

Today was my Friursday. Work was extremely busy, the day went fast. The routine after work was a little tossed up because Danny stayed after school and I had to pick him up at 5:00. I wanted to get some form of exercise in and went to youtube. I did a quick 10 minute upper body strengthening video. It was pretty easy, but I could feel it. My upper body strength is about nil. I have a lot of pain in my neck and shoulders. Slow and steady, right?

Dinner was...well.... not exactly what I had wanted. Quick, easy and so bad for you. Frozen fish and seasoned fries. I made sure we ate the serving size on both the fish and fries.... it's now 8:30 and I'm starving. Crap food does not fill you up. We had one hamburger bun left and Danny asked if he could put his fish on it to make a sandwich. I said he could, but he had a tiny meltdown when he asked if he could have a piece of bread for another piece of fish. I said no. He didn't like the answer. But he survived.

While Danny finished his homework, I popped in Leslie Sansone's One Mile Walk, and walked away those pounds. Well maybe I walked away an ounce or two, no where near pounds yet.

I'm going to switch it up tomorrow. Exercise in the morning. I'm off on Friday's. I would like to try a few different exercises and a little more intense. Tomorrow evening, I'm hoping Danny and I can have a little fun and play the Wii.

I apologize for this being so boring, but I'm in a boring mood today. Nothing exciting.... But I did do some form of exercise for 4 days in a row! Woo Hoo!

This photo popped up on my fb wall, they are in a Plus Size Magazine. I looked at these ladies and was wowed! They are curvy, they are gorgeous! They are a size I would like to be.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope I didn't put you to sleep.

Please become a follower of my blog. I'd love to have followers.

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

Hump Day! aka Day Three

So are all of you bored yet? Bored with my blog. It's o.k., you don't have to read it. I'm doing it for me. A therapy of sorts.

Today was Day 3 and started out in the usual way, as soon as my feet touched the bedroom carpet I moaned and groaned about exercise today...

Snowy drive to work, it sucked. Got to work, I.T. guy was there, system was down. Airfreight came yesterday.... 3 huge crates, only 2 of them were ours. In the third crate, hydraulic hoses, filled to the brim. Not the elevator roller guides... On the phone with our freight forwarder, within an hour our crate was delivered, the wrong one picked up. Great! Now came the endless emails... endless invoice scans....blah, blah, blah..... It was almost 11:00 by the time we were up and running again.

Last night I had already decided that Danny and I were going to do the One Mile Walk Away the Pounds DVD by Leslie Sansone. Love her! Did it faithfully every day years ago. Danny had lots of homework and I didn't want dinner to interrupt him, so I did a little Zumba, I also pinned a couple of Zumba videos to my Pinterest board. Got dinner going and as that was cooking, I did Denise Austin's 10 minute upper body strengthening video. We ate dinner, cleaned up and walked our one mile walk.

Ugh.....................  I used to do it faithfully. I used to do it without anything hurting. Today I thought I was going to die. My back hurt, my legs hurt. How did this happen? Why did I let this happen to me? I can change it. It took a while to get here.... it will take a while to go back. Am I willing to take the time? Yes, yes I am. I don't like being sad. I don't like how I am. I don't like how I feel. I want to set a good example for my son. I want to live. Yes, LIVE.

I remember the first diet I was put on at the age of 8 years old. My mom made me drink grapefruit juice, unsweetened before every meal. If I had toast for breakfast or a sandwich for lunch, one piece of bread was toasted and cut through the center with a piece of string or a very sharp knife. It was then 2 paper thin pieces of crumbled bread. At 13 I was taken to a local doctor who prescribed diet pills. Yep, Speed! I was on speed at age 13. It was great, lost a lot of weight. Also made a little pocket change too, because well...  you know...

I won't put Danny on a diet so to speak. I will not go on a diet so to speak. I've been on so many, I've read so many things, I have at least 4 different versions of Weight Watchers. Common sense, put less in, do not deprive. Weigh and measure when you can, make smarter choices. This is only Day 3, I've made little changes with Danny, he hasn't noticed them much. Yesterday's dinner, Venison Cheeseburgers. We eat 2 burgers, they are small, but last night, we only ate one bun. the other burger on the plate. He wanted a snack last night, I made him look at the serving size and he counted out 9 tortilla chips. Today at dinner we had chicken and pasta. I measured the pasta. I showed Danny that the serving size of pasta is one cup, he was surprised at the amount, but also realized it was less than what he usually eats. I did let him have a small second of pasta and didn't think twice about the chicken because it is protein. I usually have pretzels for a snack at work mid morning, usually 9:30. Not this morning, this morning I had celery sticks with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter. I measured it! One of these days this is all going to mesh together, these little changes are going to become big changes.

Danny's first goal, to fit into his Pink Floyd t-shirt he got at Christmas. It's pretty tight. But he has a goal. My goal, more energy and having my wedding bands fit again.

For the first time, Danny put his hand on my shoulder tonight and said, "I'm in this with you Mom. We're going to do it." Proud parent moment. I managed to hold back the tears...until now.

We're just going to keep on climbing. You can listen to The Climb right here. Just click on here.

If you're still hanging in here with me. Thank you! Don't be shy, become a follower. You can do that over on the right side.

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.

I'm Still Here - Day 2

Well I'm still here! This morning while I was trying to get my fat ass butt out of bed, I said to myself, "Ugh... you have to exercise today." I went on my morning routine. Bathroom, put coffee on, make up, hair, get dressed... out to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for Danny and me. I can not lie, we did have Cinnamon Toast Crunch, BUT! I measured it. Danny didn't even notice. Anyway, I started working on gathering my lunch and snack for the day. I grabbed the bag of pretzels. Normally I grab a huge handful or just open the baggie and dump the pretzels into it. Not today, I looked at the serving size and it was 41 pretzel sticks. I opened the baggie and counted out 41 pretzel sticks. Lunch today was leftovers from last night's dinner, pork roast. I didn't weigh my roast, but it was 3 small pieces, maybe a total of 5 ounces of protein and a small baked potato. I really wanted lunch to be "clean" and as in "clean" I mean non processed food, but I did pour 1 tablespoon of gravy over my roast and a small amount of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" on my baked potato. For the sweet part of my lunch, I added a Clementine and small apple.

All day at work I kept thinking about my journey ahead and just exactly how did I get here? Like I've said, I've always been a big girl. Always.... Is it genetic? I don't know. Is it because of different things that have happened in my life, I try to hide from it by eating and being lazy. I don't know. I'm sure it is a lot of things. I tried to be my own Psychotherapist, but then I realized that I don't have the big bucks to pay myself, so I stopped that and starting thinking about what exercise I was going to do after work. I also started thinking about food. Healthy eating is expensive. Very expensive. Money is tight, it's cheaper to eat unhealthy. I decided to make due with what we have until I can go to the store and buy a few healthier choices.  

Now I'm home and dragging. I forgot to mention that my sinuses are killing me and my left cheek was all swollen... I took a 30 minute nap, then it was time for Danny's homework and me getting dinner ready. Well, he had a ton of homework and I didn't want him to stop to eat dinner in the middle of it, so I went on youtube and found 2 Zumba Videos to. (I wasn't going to do Zumba today because my face hurt.) Anyway, 2 somewhat short videos and you can find them here and here. Maybe a total of 10 minutes. GUESS WHAT??? 10 minutes of Zumba, I was rearing to go. I had energy!!! Dinner was cooked and served, while dinner was cooking, Danny and I made our lunches for tomorrow. After dinner, I cleaned up immediately. That never happens!!! 

It was going on 6:00 and it was exercise time. For me AND Danny. I wanted to use our weights, so I went back to  youtube and found a video. You can watch the video right here. First off, we do not have the weights to become buff. I just want to strengthen and tone a little. I searched every where for my little hand held weights...they're only 1 pound each... could only find one! I have two, but only one was visible. Of course I didn't search in Danny's Abyss and the reason I didn't is because quite frankly, it scares me! In the beginning of the video it says that water bottles could be used, my wheels started turning and I remembered I had water ball weights in the drawer of the Buffet! Yep, in the Buffet! Kind of ironic...  Anyway, these are my water ball weights:

As I did the youtube video, Danny used his weights. Nothing major, just two dumb bells, with the weight going from 5 to 15 pounds. He didn't follow the video, but lifted nonetheless. One thing he made sure he did was give his mom words of encouragement. My 10 minute video (then I extended and extra 5 minutes) was going to be the death of me! Good Geez! I am so out of shape. Talk about sweat!

And now that this is a novel, another day in my journey, a boring blog post, I thought I'd post an after pic of me. After my strengthening video, glistening, red face, sweat droplet on my forehead, looking ever so attractive! (Please do not be scared for what you are about to see and remove small children from the room.)

I did not start this blog to gain attention. I'm trying to help myself and do it in ways that I never thought of before hoping it will keep me on track and succeed, if even in the least little bit. I have received so many comments on the blog and on facebook and I would like to thank each and every one of you! Your encouragement, thoughts and ideas mean the world to me!

And I'll leave you with this:

Stayed tuned for Day 3!

My disclaimer:  This is my blog, my words, my thoughts.

You Have To Start Somewhere - Day 1

Well this is it. My new Blog. I hope I can keep up with this blog, as my other blog has been extremely neglected. 

I would like this blog to be about my journey. My journey to become a healthier me. I'm not making promises to myself or anyone else. I've just reached a point in my life... I am unhappy. Recently I've discovered that I hold the key for my happiness. Yep, that's right, me! Who woulda thunk?

So many things are happening in 2015. My niece is having a baby in July. My other niece is getting married in October and most of all I have a 13 year old son. I want to live and not exist anymore. I want to be here... for a very long time!

Last week on a local fb for sale site, a girl was selling her Zumba Wii games. Well today we met and I am the proud owner of Zumba Fitness Join the Party. The first step in my journey.

At 5:05 p.m., the box was opened, the instructions read, new batteries installed in the Wii remote, a little help from my son with the belt and I was ready to go. I opted for the "Easy" level. 20 minutes!!! Yes 20 minutes!!! 5 minutes into I was feeling it. My legs hurt, my back hurt... in between the dances you're supposed to drink water, I didn't know. Danny quickly filled a water glass. Although he did not Zumba with me today, he cheered me on. I would hear his voice behind me telling me I was doing great, good job Mom, you're doing it Mom. Just when I thought I couldn't Zumba anymore, I was on the cool down phase. I was thrilled, excited, elated, overjoyed and most of all, I was proud of myself. A big gulp of water and a high five from Danny I was already thinking about what I want to do for Day 2.

I'm not going to give my weight. It's only a number, it's not important. I may give it one day, I just don't know. I'll get some pics posted this weekend. Every month I'll post a new one.

My first goal is to gain more energy, my second is to lose weight so my wedding bands fit again.

I've always been a big girl. I've lost weight, I've gained weight. I'm a foodie, I love food. When my sister and I attended Weight Watchers together, members would talk about the foods they were addicted to, candy, salt, chips etc... Terri and I would just look at each other and say "We love all food." I know I can do this. I know I will never be a skinny person. I just want to be a smaller me. A smaller, healthier me. 

And as much as I do not care for Miley Cyrus, I will admit that I love her song "The Climb" and it is my inspiration song. 

Please let me know you were here. I am open to comments and suggestions. I prefer no negativity. If we can help each other, be an inspiration for each other, share a recipe or two. Fantastic!

This is my blog, my words, my thoughts, my feelings.